What’s This Princess Book Rated?

Disney Princess BookRecently I bought my 3 year old daughter, Reese, a new Disney princess book. There were 5 stories that most of us are familiar with and I knew that she would love it since she is obsessed with princesses lately.

Cinderella is the first story in the book. I have known the story of Cinderella ever since I was Reese’s age, however, now that I am a mother I am starting to analyze most of the stories in my kids books.

The book starts off “once upon a time, there was a lovely young girl who lived with her widowed father”. Oh good, another story where the mom is dead. Oh wait…in the second paragraph we find out that the father also dies and the young girl is left with her cruel stepmother and stepsisters.

She is forced to do all of the chores and grunt work in the household and is treated poorly. The stepsisters “tore at Cinderella’s dress until it was tattered and ruined.” Luckily her Fairy Godmother gets involved and does magical things with mice and pumpkins…which to me sounds kind of gross.

We all know how the story ends….glass slipper…prince saving the day…yada yada.

Next up is Beauty And The Beast. Again, there is no mention of a mother so not sure if she is actually dead in this story or just too boring to mention. Belle does love her father dearly though and is devastated when he goes missing.

It felt a little odd reading this story to my 3 year old little girl when I had to say things like, “A pack of hungry wolves chased her through the snow”, “She found her father locked in a dungeon in the castle”, and “we must kill the wicked beast.” The angry villagers followed this guy Gaston into the forest, determined to kill the beast. Oh, then Gaston finds him, draws a knife and stabs the Beast.

Luckily it ends well and this hideous looking creature ends up turning into a real stud muffin at the end, after Belle tells him that she loves him. That was a close one with the whole stabbing incident…sure glad it turned out good for those crazy love birds.

The Little Mermaid is sure a cute little story. Not sure if this little beauty had a mother either, but her dad King Triton seems like a great guy. There was a close call at the beginning of the story with a near shark attack. Just when you think it’s going to be ok, the evil sea witch Ursula gets involved because she apparently hates Ariel’s father. It doesn’t say but I am assuming they had a relationship that ended badly years ago.

Luckily there wasn’t a lot of killing and stabbing in this story, except for when the prince steered the bow of the ship right into Ursula, putting an end to her forever. That seems a little morbid, but you do what you have to do when you are a prince in love with a mermaid who wants to be a human!

Sleeping Beauty is the 4th story in this wonderful book. Her name is Aurora and she is King Stefan’s daughter. We do find out on page 5 that she does in fact have a mother who is still living.

It turns out this chick Maleficent (what a name) wasn’t invited to the celebration of Aurora’s birth so she put a curse on her. She was going to prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die on her 16th birthday. “I don’t know why Reese, that is just what the books says…she is supposedly only going to make it to age 16.”

Luckily Merryweather (who comes up with these names?), was able to change the curse to falling asleep for eternity instead of dying. That seems like a nicer way to put it to my 3 year old.

After Aurora pricks her finger and falls fast asleep there is a chance she could wake up and be saved. Turns out this guy Prince Phillip is really into her and a kiss from him can save the day. Uh oh….the evil Maleficent chains him up in her dungeon. Luckily he gets a hold of a magic sword and shield so that he is able to fight this lady. He does come into contact with a dragon but luckily uses his sword to kill it.

As we all know, Prince Phillip saves the day by running to Aurora’s almost dead side to give her a wet one right on the chops. Thank God they lived happily ever after, that was a close one!

Next up is Snow White. Her mother is very involved in this story but it turns out she is a real bitch! She became livid one day when her mirror basically told her that Snow White was prettier then her and decided that the beautiful young princess must die. She didn’t want to get her hands dirty, however, so she summoned her huntsman and ordered him to take the young girl’s life. Hold on…don’t worry, the Huntsman couldn’t bring himself to kill the beautiful princess even though her MOTHER had made the request.

Snow White ended up running away and luckily found a ton of little people all living in the same house. They were nice enough to let her clean and cook for them and stay there rent free. Uh oh….the Queen found out that she was still alive and was not happy with this at all. She created a poison apple so that she could get the job done herself.

When the disguised Queen gave Snow White the wishing apple, Snow White wished for a prince to come and take her away. One would think that she might want to wish for a better family life at home…a real relationship with with her mother perhaps, but nope, just a prince.

When the little people came home and realized that Snow White was dead they ran after the Queen. Calling the police might have been a good suggestion but instead they chased her to the edge of a steep cliff, where she slipped and fell to her death.

Luckily for Snow White, a prince was passing by the little people’s house and recognized her cold, lifeless body laying there. Even though she was probably blue by this time he still decided to bend down and kiss her. As can be expected, the kiss from a prince saved the day. Something about saliva from a good looking guy makes any dead princess come to life.

“Ok Reese, good night. Sweet dreams!”

3 Responses to What’s This Princess Book Rated?

  1. avatar Gina says:

    Just stumbled across your blog. Read your princess story book analysis post. Your totally right and very funny!
    I then read the “about me” portion of your blog-also very funny. Its so nice to read other people write your thoughts! I just shipped 4 school kids out the door, threw in my second wash of the day, and am now feeding my 5 month old. The big kids brought home a lovely head cold and while I rarely catch sickness- I caught this one. TGIF!!! Talk about looking forward to less hectic times!!!
    Cheers to you for the chuckle! Have a great weekend. Or at least one where everyone is healthy!!:)

  2. avatar Suzie says:

    Since school started a few weeks ago here for homework we read every day. We have been reading the big pink Disney Princess book with all these and more and you totally hit the nail on the head. Mullan and Jasmine don’t have moms either. I think your on to something. Whats Disneys dislike with moms?

  3. avatar Kat says:

    Because if they had good mommies the princesses would know that boys are nice, but you can’t expect one to just sweep you off your feet and fix everything 😉

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