Almost a year ago to the day I wrote a blog post titled “Treading Water“. I had so many people contact me afterwards and either share their similar feelings or console me on mine. I just re-read my post and thought that I would give everyone an update…one year later.
I am happy to say that I am doing much better. Don’t get me wrong, I often feel as if I am drowning, but I am filled with so much love and contentment with my life and my family that it helps get me through. I know that it is not the time for “me” right now, as I have 3 little beings running around who need all of me at the moment and I am fine with that.
I am the center of their world, the glue that holds this family together and instead of moping around and feeling the pressure I see it as an honor. My goal each day isn’t just to keep them alive and fed….it is to make them smile often, laugh until they cry and feel safe and secure in the world that I have created for them.
I don’t work out as much as I would like. Hot yoga became a thing of the past and I ended up reaching for those pills that the Dr. had prescribed after all. I would be a liar if I told you that I had gotten through this past year without them.
I remember a couple of months after my Dr.s appt calling my husband Pete and when he answered I simply said, “I started them.” He knew what I meant and he supported me in the decision I had made….and it has helped.
My oldest son Chase, starts first grade tomorrow. If feels like just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital….and yet it feels like a million years ago. I am not wishing away today any longer….I am no longer just “trying to survive.” I am still wearing a life jacket, but it’s not necessarily because I need it any more…it’s just because I am afraid of what might happen if I take it off.