The Kids Books Are Against Me!

As we all know, kids have impressionable little minds. The minute we bring them to a play date or they start preschool they begin to adapt other behaviors that they might have seen or heard someone else do. That being said, while reading the kids books this morning I started to question the children’s literature that is in this house.

First off, we have a fun light hearted alphabet rhyming book called

Seems pretty innocent enough, right?

Do you know how many times a day I have to yell tell the kids to stop jumping on the couch?

With 2 toddlers in the house it is inevitable that one will have their finger up their nose atleast 37 times a day. No matter how many times I tell them to stop it they keep doing it!

I don’t even want my kids to know the word fat. I am nervous enough every time I am in an elevator and someone walks in. You never know what is going to come out of their mouths!

Oh good…with this one we show spitting AND the tongue out!

Potty talk is the most hilarious thing to a kid and the most annoying thing to an adult. I really want to read the word that I am putting them in time out all day for saying!

I then decided to open up one of their nursery rhyme books. Apparently anyone is allowed to write and publish a children’s book.


The fact that they named him “Willie Winkie” and that he is wearing a nightgown is weird enough. But how about the fact that the little pervert is running around town tapping on windows looking for little children?




First off, can we please call it a Kitty Cat! Don’t know if the word Pussy needs to be repeated 6 times in any book, let alone a children’t book. Besides the story line being dumb and pointless, I think the author meant to say, “what did you do there,” instead of “what did you there?” Um…proofread much?





I don’t even know the meaning of this one so how am I supposed to explain to Reese at bedtime why people are putting a bunch of live birds in a pie and then cooking it? Then, they survive and just start singing instead of pecking the hell out of who tried to bake them?

This one is brilliant. I can picture the author going to bed upset that he couldn’t think of just one more logical thing for Sally to “go round” and then springing up at 2am…”I got it, I got it! Sally will go round the chimney pots!!!” Nice!





Ladybug, Ladybug, ok, off to a cute start. Fly away home…that’s sweet, maybe it’s time to have a family dinner or something. OH…your house is on fire and your children are all gone? Don’t worry though Ladybug, your favorite daughter Ann did survive the giant explosion so hopefully the two of you can build a new life together. Hope the rest of the family had life insurance!



Do any of YOUR children’s books drive you nuts? If so, please share.


2 Responses to The Kids Books Are Against Me!

  1. avatar denise opsahl says:

    I have a hard time reading the girls the original Disney princess stories. Someone is always dying, or trying to kill someone, etc. I constantly find myself scrambling to replace words or change the story up as I’m reading so I don’t give them nightmares!!

    My least favorite books right now (which are Sophie’s favorite…of course) are The Pout-Pout Fish and The Turnip. In The Pout-Pout fish I have to say the word pout approximately 58 times, along with other weird words like blub bluuub bluuuuuuub, dreary-wearies, squelchy and cheery-cheeries. I feel like a total goober when I read it.
    In The Turnip the characters are named Dedoushka, Baboushka, Mashenka, Geouchka, and Keska. Everytime I read it the girls look at me as if I’ve lost my mind. And the storyline is dumb too. All around winner!

  2. avatar Shannon ashby says:

    Just getting caught up reading your blogs! You are too funny! Needed a good laugh this week!

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