When I was a kid, the last day of school was like Christmas Eve. The thought of sleeping in, playing with friends and hanging out in the sun every day was a dream come true. I knew that I had a full summer of fun in front of me and the world was my oyster. (Which is actually a weird saying since Oysters are gross)…anyhoo…
…….fast forward 20 years, and here I am, cowering in a corner, with my 8 years old’s laptop…wondering if I am going to survive. I am holding my breath for fear that one of my three kids will hear me breathing and make, yet another request.
Don’t get me wrong. I am blessed with three wonderful children.
Chase is turning 8 in a couple of weeks. You know it is going to be a good day with him when he finds matching tall athletic socks that match his shirt, shorts and shoes perfectly and his hair is spiked at just the right angle.
Reese is turning 6 in a few weeks and is the sweetest thing in the whole world…..unless you look at her wrong. Just today she asked if she could have some string cheese and when I told her that we were all out you would have thought I told her that we ran over grandma.
Lane just turned 4 and although she is almost her sister’s height she seems to remind us that she is still “the baby”. When she lacks attention, she reverts to constant baby talk that annoys the crap out of us. If that isn’t enough, she asks for something to eat every.five.minutes! But like we always say….at least she is cute!
Ok, as I was saying……summer used to be magical….until I had kids. It seems that they wake up at the crack of dawn each day and look at me to entertain them. I realize, I am the one responsible for their upbringing. I signed up for that role when I quit my corporate job 8 years ago, I just wished there has been an accurate job description that would have come with their birth certificate…..especially for summers. I feel like this is what it would say.
Must be able to get up early and cook breakfast. Knowing how much or little syrup is a must. If you get it wrong you will have to do it over. We are an equal opportuniity company but you cannot be color blind. There will be requests for certain colored cups and plates and the success of your day may depend on it.
You must know how to play UNO, Play 9, Life, Scrambled States, Twister, Skipbo, Checkers, Pokeman and Old Maid. These games will need to be played before 7am or there may be a serious meltdown on your hands. It is recommended that you quietly get yourself a cup of coffee at 4am each morning if you are hoping to spend some a alone time for the day. Hurry up though…..they sense slurping, enjoying yourself and relaxing and feel it their mission to put an end to these things.
If you feel like you can handle taking all three of them to a park please be aware that it is crucial that the park you select has these things.
- Monkey bars (Reese will have a meltdown if she doesn’t see monkey bars within a 3 foot radias).
- Field for throwing a ball (Chase will expect you to pack a football, baseball, basketball and whatever other ball you can find). Make sure you are up to not only throwing the ball back and forth endlessly, but know that you must also count each throw so you know if you are breaking your last “record.”
- Swings (Lane loves to swing but cannot get herself on the swing or pump her legs to swing herself). Caution…this may cause fricktion between the throwing of the balls and watching Reese’s twirls on the monkey bars). If you are not able to do these things simotaneously there will be crying…..a lot of crying!
The lunch that you pack will be a deal breaker. Please make sure that all sandwiches/bagles and such are in seperate baggies. If the honey, jam or cream cheese touch you may not make it out of there alive. Also, if there is any oozing of said substances onto the bag or, God forbid, onto a child’s hand there may be another outburst.
After your “fun” time at the park your throat may hurt from yelling but just know that bedtime is just 7 hours away and you can do this!!! When you get in the car they will once again request their church songs from last years bible camp be on full blast. Don’t be alarmed when the little one screams “turn it up” every couple of minutes.
One would think that the kids would be getting tired after a full day of fun but once again you will be surprised that they are “SOOOOO bored,” the second they get back inside the house. You may want to remind them of the pricey trampoline, XBOX and fifty million toys they each have but they will just look at you like you are crazy when you expect them to play with “last weeks toys.” You should be ashamed of yourself for assuming this would be good enough for these silver spooned kids.
You will reach for your phone and text every friend of theirs in hopes that someone can come over and entertain them for you. People will come and go all day like it is a revolving door but it is then that you will realize that you have spent your years focused on friends for your older two, and the youngest will just be sitting there, finger up her noes, talking baby talk with 2 barbies in hand….one for you…and one for her.
When your husband arrives home your hate and anger will immediately turn to him. You will remember that he is the one that put you in this situation and whatever has gone on during his day has been a walk in the park compared to what you have dealt with.
You will consider calling up friends to go out for drinks but when you realize that you are still in your pajamas with no makeup you reconsider this plan. You quickly microwave frozen meatballs, squirt out a bunch of ketchup and throw some carrots on a plate. You are just about to drown yourself in your freshly poured wine when this happens…..
Daddy “Kids, how was your day?” Kids, “We had the best day ever with Mommy!”
…..and then you realize that you are a jackass for ever thinking mean thoughts for the day and you go back to loving them with every sense of your being………until tomorrow morning at 5:30am that is.