My Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

I decided to slip this letter in along with my kids hand written letters to you so that you don’t get confused by the things they are asking for. As I’m sure you can see, they want Every.Single.Thing this year…just like last year. There isn’t a day that goes by in my household where I don’t hear, “I want this, or I want that.” I know I am preaching to the choir since that is all you ever hear from kids all over. I just have to deal with 3, I can’t imagine how much wine you have to drink around the holidays to get you through them.

So, without further ado, here is the list of what I DON’T want you to get my kids. Thanks in advance!

  • Anything that makes noise. You see, since my kids make enough noise as it is, I see no reason for their toys to make noise too. This may seem harsh of me, or like I am inhibiting them from having fun and enjoying their youth, but they will have plenty of time to play with noisy things when they have their own children.
  • Things that I have to help them with. I love the idea of a craft or project just as much as the next guy, but I like it done at school….where it belongs. Remember the play dough you brought them last year in their stockings? Well it is all smashed into the carpet in the playroom so I am assuming you will be cleaning that mess up when you are here this year….it’s the polite thing to do since you are solely responsible after all.
  • Things with batteries. This kind of goes along with the ‘things that make noise’ portion of the letter but just to be clear, batteries are expensive…and they don’t last a long time. It would seem awfully rude for you to drop off their toys and leave a bill…but this is exactly what it would be like! Just sayinnnnn!
  • Water toys. This one may confuse you, and it would have me too, if it wasn’t for a few weeks ago when my daughter squirted water at me out of her play fish and out came a big chunk of mold or dirt or something. I couldn’t tell what it was based on the taste, but either way it was gross and I don’t want any other things sitting in the bathtub each day collecting grime!
  • Puzzles. Unless of course there are new puzzles out there that put themselves together when you clap. I don’t know how many times I have been cleaning up in the playroom and find myself having to look for every puzzle piece and then trying to figure out where it goes! There is always a piece or two missing and that adds to my already annoying day.
  • Pets. Not only am I not a “pet person,” I am not an “explain why your new pet is dead person,” either! I am responsible for keeping these 3 “pets” of my own alive…that’s pretty much all I can handle right now, and on some days that is even iffy!

You may seem confused and even conflicted after reading both mine and the kids letters to you. Rest assured that I am their mother and I know what is best for them. If you fall short of ideas it is always best to go with these useful items.

  • Diapers (We only have one left in diapers but she loves them! She loves them so much that she goes through them like crazy!)
  • Food (Oddly enough they like to eat…daily. It gives them energy so that they are able to play with the toys that they do have, so really it goes to a good cause!)
  • Wine (Before you go calling CPS just know that the wine is for me…and sometimes their father. It makes me nicer to them and overall a happier person!)
  • Vodka (Like my kids, I like to have choices and if there is only wine around and I am in a vodka mood then what?)
  • Money (yes, it’s true, their eyes light up when they get money. They excitedly run it up to their piggy banks in their room. They never check their piggy banks either, which is nice, and go on living life just assuming that money is still in there. *wink.wink*

That about wraps it up. I may have missed a few things but you can shoot me a quick email if you have any questions regarding any of my requests, or more importantly NON requests. Thanks!

P.S. I know each year we leave you fresh baked cookies on a plate but I am replacing those with a Spark energy drink sample this year. It will give you plenty of energy and keep your appetite down while being tempted by all of the cookies at each house. Let me know if you are interested in doing the 24 day Advocare Challenge after the new year, I will hook you up!

With love

Mama Q

One Response to My Letter To Santa

  1. avatar Michelle says:

    This is sooo true, oh and I love Spark, I think I will leave some out for Santa too 😉

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