“Here, I bought this pregnancy test at the store for you today,” my sister exclaimed as she came in the front door of my house in August of 2010. “Why in the heck would I need a pregnancy test Annie??? It is stress that is making me late, there is NO way that I am pregnant!” “Just take it……if you are so sure, pee on the stick!”
I walked into the bathroom half laughing and half rolling my eyes. “This is dumb and there isn’t a doubt in my head that I.AM.NOT.PREGNANT!” A few minutes later I was in the middle of telling Annie and story when she told me to go get the test that I had left on the bathroom floor. I nonchalantly went in to get it and prove my sister wrong.
I will never forget the moment I bent down to pick it up and saw the 2 lines staring back at me. Tears streamed down my face as I started to panic. “NO…NO…I can’t be pregnant, I can’t be, there is no way! I already have two and I am DROWNING in life already!”
I was upset, horrified, scared and sad all at the same time. It was quite a bit different then the other two times I had found out I was pregnant. The excitement and joy that is supposed to be there when hearing the “happy” news was absent and I was standing there dealing with the unknown.
I called my mom right away and when she answered the phone I began crying harder. When I told her the news she was calm and tried to sooth me. She reminded me how wonderful both Chase and Reese were and that another baby would be a blessing. She told me that the overwhelming feeling was just because I liked things planned and because Reese had just turned 1 year old and was still a baby herself.
Pete, my husband, was the call I made next. I remember giving him the news through the tears and him being silent and then saying, “Oh……….shit.” We both sat there silent…..thinking. He had to go into a meeting but told me that he would leave right after and we would talk about it when he got home.
My dad showed up at my door step about 30 minutes later with a huge bouquet of flowers. He had left work right away when hearing the news from my mom and wanted to also come and tell me that this was a blessing….and that it would be ok.
I was still crying when Pete got home and I still remember him walking in the door with a huge smile on his face. “This is going to be AWESOME,” was what he told me. He said that he had thought about it the whole way home and that this was going to be the greatest thing that had happened in our lives.
In life we are given things that not only we can handle, but that we need. Things that help us become better people and that can have a fundamental impact on our lives. Lane Joanne Quinlan was born April 12th, 2011. She was healthy, perfect and instantly loved. I am still a planner…and will always be; but I am thankful that someone else had a plan that was so much greater than my own.
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