Intern Wanted

After I graduated college, I interned with King 5 TV’s Evening Magazine, for a few months. It helped me acquire experience and become more marketable in the workplace. This was back in the year 2000, and little did I know that 7 years later I would be “retired,” and now 12 years later, looking to hire an intern of my own. Here is the ad I am thinking of putting out. Let me know if anyone is interested.

Are you considering going to college and then starting a career? Do you ever day dream of being a huge success and making a name for yourself in the professional world? Well, if your plan is to eventually be a stay at home Mom, I would suggest saving your money on that expensive college education and put your time to better use.

Here at Quinlan Incorporated we are searching for a bright, energetic intern to help run our household the way it should be run. With Mama Q promoting her blog, selling Healthcare products to every person she comes in contact with, and now interning for Craigslist, there is little time left for the children and other daily duties.

Duties include, but are not limited to; fixing breakfast for 3 messy toddlers; taking one anxious 5 year old to the bus an hour early each day so that he gets his first spot in line; doing a wipe check for one 5 year old and actually wiping for a 3 and 1 year old. Must be proficient in toilet flushing since you will be the only one doing it.

Other duties include cleaning food out of the 3 year olds hair, keeping her from harming the 1 year old and entertaining every second of the day because they get bored if you leave them for a minute. Must be OK with not showering for the day, brushing your teeth occasionally and having others watch you pee.

Must know how to sweep up cheerios, crackers and raisins since this will be one of the main tasks throughout the day. Must also be handy with a dish rag and a mop for spilled juices, milk, yogurt and applesauce. Must be OK with making 3 separate meals for each child since they have completely different needs, and be prepared to throw most of the lunches away since they never eat what they say they want.

Must have thick skin….literally, because there are times when you will be hit or have something thrown at you. Must speak English and Baby and be comfortable repeating everything you say at least 12 times. Must be comfortable with the word No and always prepared with “because I said so, that’s why.”

College degree is not important to us and high school drop outs are welcome to apply. Must have at least completed Kindergarten, so that you can help our 5 year old with his homework.

You will be working 7 days a week from 6am-7:30pm with no holidays off. If this unpaid, unchallenging, hectic job opportunity sounds like something you would be interested in call today so that we can set up an interview. Your hopes and dreams are just a phone call away!

One Response to Intern Wanted

  1. avatar Ape says:

    Haha!! I love this!!!!!!

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