Dear “Future Me”

In response to a letter written on Monday May 6th.

Dear Future Jamie,

First of all, I would like to point out that it is really good to hear from you. It is comforting to know that you are still around did not throw yourself off a cliff like you threatened so many times. It’s also good to hear that Pete stuck it out through the years and you two are still together despite all your bitching. It seems like you are a bit more sensitive in the future, which leads me to believe that you were going through menopause when you wrote to the “present me.”

I appreciate you taking the time to write and I promise to take your words to heart. I do, however, feel like the grass is always greener on the other side and you may not be clearly remembering what these times were like.

Lane crapped her pants at Target the other day, when I was with all three kids. Sounds like you would think that was cute and all, but I was all knee deep in it in the women’s restroom (it was up her back and everything!) Luckily she was wearing a coat for once so I just took her onesie off and put the crap pants back on before finishing my shopping.

You mention how the house is quiet and lonely in the future. My suggestion to you is to get OUT of the house since you weren’t able to for at least 5 years when the kids were young. Maybe go for a walk or take up hot yoga like you tried before. Or better yet, maybe we should switch places since this “Mary Poppins new you” seems to think fondly of the never ending crying, chatter and smacking.





I am sorry that I didn’t “embrace the journey” in Nordstrom Rack last week when Reese screamed loudly throughout the store, “MOMMY, I need a Kleenex to wipe the booger off of my finger.” All the while Chase was running around hiding underneath all of the racks of clothes and Lane was screaming and crying every time anyone other then me even looked at her.  Maybe you would suggest I take a picture of the whole event so it would last longer.








Do you not remember that period of time when Reese was 2 where she cried at every.single.thing?? Or how about the fact that she is the only toddler I know that can fall and hurt herself 20 times a day? Maybe you’ve forgotten about the repeated calls to poison control?






Then there was Chase’s whole 4th year where he had to change his underwear all day because he “felt” like there was poop in them? Or when he would fall and skin his knee and not only cry about it every.single.minute but also have to keep his pant leg rolled up for days.  Seems like I would be a nut to encourage someone to “embrace” all that. It’s like telling someone to enjoy the extreme turbulence on their flight.




Don’t get me wrong, I do give a little chuckle every time I am in the restroom and no matter where we are the kids have to shout out, “are you going poop or pee?” I can even get over the fact that I found a booger collection in the back of my car by Chase’s seat a year ago. Heck, even Reese taking a green sharpie to the couch doesn’t throw me totally over the edge.





So, “Future Me,” although I love you to pieces I think you need to stay out of this one. I am managing just fine…or at least I am managing. I’ve learned how to whip a hair full of toothpaste into a creative ponytail and spit out the throw up that was projected into MY mouth by one of the kids. I even handled every single person in my household being sick at the same time but me.





I will “Embrace the journey” alright. Just like I have been doing, every night at 8pm and every weekend.




One Response to Dear “Future Me”

  1. avatar Shannon ashby says:

    Love the last picture! Sooo true;)

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