Bus Stop Turmoil

Bus StopChase started Kindergarten full time last Tuesday and I have gone through many different emotions. I feel a sense of loss without him in the house each day and miss him so much. My stomach is nervous throughout the day wondering how he is doing and feeling.

I take him to the bus stop each morning and he is excited to go to school and happy for a new day but something happens the moment he takes a step onto that bus that kills me. I see the terror in his eyes and the fear that goes along with him being a shy 5 year old boy on a bus ride, alone.

The bus is jam packed when it gets to our stop, and so the moment he walks on, he puts his head down and walks down the aisle in search of a seat where there is no room for him. There are 4th and 5th graders on his bus along with theĀ KindergartnersĀ and that scares Chase more than anything I am sure.

On Friday he had trouble finding a seat and when I looked in the bus I saw him standing there crying….hands over his eyes, and sobbing. I held my tears as I yelled to him, “Chase, it’s going to be ok, you are doing great.” The bus driver suggested a spot in the front, next to 2 little girls and so I watched him turn and walk back to the front, head down, crying.

I hated the feeling that I felt at that moment and would have given anything to trade places with him. It made me sick to my stomach that he was uncomfortable or scared and that I was just a window away from him and couldn’t fix it. I was helpless as a mother as I saw him still crying as the bus took off.

I kept telling myself that surely he was fine after finding a seat and when a friend texted me 30 minutes later telling me that she had just seen Chase crying at school I felt even more hopeless than before. I called my husband Pete, right away and of course being the calmer one in our relationship, told me that Chase was going to be fine and needed to go through these things so that he could learn and grow.

I explained to him that I was his mother and couldn’t just let him “go through things like this,” and if I could protect him throughout his whole entire life I would do anything to do so. I know that he has to learn lessons in life….I get that, I just am not ready to let him learn any lessons that involve him feeling scared or lonely.

Today is Monday. We talked about being brave and how big kids can be nice, during breakfast time. I then brought him to the bus stop…..a different one, the one where he was one of the first kids to get on the bus. Some may see it as enabling him, but I am his Mommy, and I will do whatever it takes to make him feel safe at all times.


9 Responses to Bus Stop Turmoil

  1. avatar Jules says:

    I got a lump in my throat reading this. I have a 2 year old, still a couple of years of kindie but I know I’d feel absolutely the same as you. We never like thinking our little ones or scared or sad, even if they are meant to be learning something from it.

  2. avatar Michelle says:

    Poor little nunu. It just breaks your heart. My baby is 5 and has to go to boarding school. When I drop him off on Monday mornings and he looks at me with his sad little eyes I just want to take him back home. Like my husbands says. He has to learn to be independent from me.

  3. avatar Carrie says:

    Jamie, I get teared up reading this. I whole-heartedly understand how you feel. Its so hard to let our kids grow. I think its more painful for us. Hang in there!

  4. I am the mom of four children. Their ages are 11,8,7, and 4. I don’t think you should feel bad for wanting to protect your child from as many of the distasteful life lessons for as long as you can. People love to give their opinions and I am sure that since you are also a mom you’ve experienced this. People think that just because we have four children it gets easier with each child to do the firsts of life, well it doesn’t. Each one of kids had never had their turn to experience the situations and since their different people with unique personallities each time was a different adventure. I think that their will always be situations that we can’t protect our children from, but I think that when something happens that we can do something we should. I think they will be big real soon and have to face the world on their own, so a little help never hurts. You talked to you child and that is great! I also think it was real smart about getting him the bus first. Problem—Communication—Solution====Priceless!

  5. avatar Nicki says:

    This just made me cry so hard! My baby just started kindergarten and I always worry how he is all day. I also think you did the perfect thing! He’s still taking the bus. It’s OK to make things easier for a while. Kids have to experience things. They, however, don’t have to experience those things the hardest way possible! Good job!

  6. avatar dibs says:

    Great story Jamie. My 11 year old is now taking public transportation home from middle school in Oakland and it is nerve racking. Every day that Chase goes through it, he gets stronger. Try to hold back the tears and keep on congratulating him on his “Big Boy Status”.

  7. avatar Todd says:

    Great post Jamie…our twins are only 1 and already hits home thinking about them getting on the bus!

  8. avatar Sarah says:

    I don’t think your’re doing anything wrong by going to the new bus stop. As moms, we have to choose our battles wisely. It seems as though the situation at the old bus stop was becoming more than your little guy could take. If the new bus stop is for the same bus, it will possibly give him the chance to get to know some of the kids. He will have the chance to let someone sit with him and be a friend to them. There is nothing wrong with giving him the chance to build his confidence. True, we can’t protect our kids from everything and we are doing them no favors by doing so but we don’t have to stand by and watch life beat them down either.

  9. avatar Shannon ashby says:

    Hey girlfriend! I would like to say it get easier as they get older but it doesn’t! I ache every time the girls are away from me! You are handling it great! Chase is lucky to have you as his mom! He will find his way;)

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