I made a promise to my daughter last night while putting her to bed. I promised that I would be a better mother to her. I told her that she was special and that she deserves that I be the best Mommy that I can be.
I am busy each day, like every mom out there…and dad, I am busy. Each day is a constant blur of school carpools, dance lessons, football games, preparing meals, homework, cleaning, etc. The list goes on, and it did for my parents as well, I am not saying that it is any harder now.
I don’t remember feeling that my mom was stressed out. I know that my kids “feel” that I am stressed and when I tucked my 6 year old son, Chase into bed tonight and he asked me if I liked being a Mom….I knew he was asking because he sensed the answer was no.
I told him that I LOVED being a mom….and that I LOVED being his mom….and Reese’s mom…and Lane’s mom. I told him that I loved all of them with all of my heart and his response was, “what if there was a mom who loved her kids with just half of her heart?”
I can’t imagine, as a mom, not loving my kids with my whole heart. I can’t imagine not kissing them a million times a day and not telling them that they are special whenever I can. I hurt when they hurt and I would do anything to protect them in this life that seems more and more like a frogger game each day.
I would die for them. In fact, when thinking that something may happen to me, I worry about not seeing what they become. It terrifies me to think that I won’t see Chase graduate college and probably invent the next great thing. That I won’t ever see one of Reese’s stand up comedy shows or that Lane’s America’s Next Top Model debut will go unseen by her biggest fan.
I am scared that I will miss Chase’s first heart ache or Reese’s first ticket. I am afraid of not finding out who Lane will be most like…her brother or he sister and if all 3 of them will be close friends for the rest of their lives. I need to know how the story ends.
As parents, and humans in general, it is good for us to reevaluate ourselves from time to time. Setting goals help us stick to the path that we want to be on, and last night I reminded myself to stay focused on what is important. My goal is to let my kids know at all times that I love them with 100% of my heart. That is the highest goal that I can achieve and will be my biggest accomplishment.